"My family grew up in the church. I loved going to church and hearing the many different Bible stories and Book of Mormon stories. But after so many years it seemed like I had heard all these stories before, so what is the point of me going to church if I have already learned it all? So I would pretend to be sick, and stay home. I didn't want to displease my parents. So I would pretend to be sick every once and awhile.
"A few years before this started happening I was going through my spam email, and came upon this email with some pornographic material in it. I hurried and closed out of it. But this started a curiosity in me, I knew that it was bad, but my brain wanted to see more. So I started looking at it, more and more, thinking that I could stop anytime that I wanted to. But I was so wrong. The urges grew stronger and stronger, and wanting to look at it more and more. This was the darkest times of my life, it made me sick to the stomach, but I couldn't stop, or could I.
"Around the time I was pretending to be fake sick so I didn't have to go to church, I got to thinking why my parents wanted to go to church. I have always heard the people in church say that they believe, or they know that Jesus Christ is their Savior or that the Book of Mormon is true. But I didn't know, I couldn't believe that they knew. I grew jealous, how could they know and not me? Then the idea hit me, it was something that everyone had been telling me my whole life, and I just never did it. If I wanted to know if the Book of Mormon is true, if I needed to know if Jesus Christ is real, if I wanted to know if God loves me, I needed to read the scriptures, the words of Christ, I needed to pray, and ask God is He is there, if He loves me. So I decided to start reading the Book of Mormon, at least a chapter a day. Which wasn't the easiest thing to do. During this time I felt like I was the rope in a tug-a-war match. God on one side, telling me to keep reading and praying, and the devil on the other side telling me that this pornography is good, there is no harm in it, it will bring pleasure into your life. I was super confused, but I kept on reading the scriptures.
"At first I felt nor saw now difference in my life. But after a few months of reading and not missing a single day, I looked back at my progress, my life had gotten better, and I felt the Light of Christ in my life again. I felt happy! It was the greatest feeling ever. I had been praying and praying and asking God if the Book of Mormon is true, so far though, I felt like I hadn't received an answer. But one night I was thinking about that day when I had looked back, the feelings I had that day. If the Book of Mormon was an evil book, how could it bring such peace into my life. That is when it hit me, it is TRUE!!! And every day I read from the Book of Mormon, I have an amazing day!
"I had found the Pearl of Great Price! Well at least I always had it, but never used it properly til now. But I still had my problems with pornography, and now I knew that it was bad, but it had become an addiction, one that is extremely hard to get rid of. And I didn't know how to stop it.
"I had been praying and asking God how to stop this evil in my life, how to become better. I felt like this prayer was being unanswered, but later I found out that God does answer every prayer, in His own way!
"One day in seminary our teacher was teaching, and out of nowhere he says something that caught my attention. "If you have a problem with any addictive substance, ask your parents for help. Pornography, tobacco, coffee, tea, and alcohol, they are very harmful, and are hard to get rid of on your own, ask for help!"
"This was a very powerful statement, and I felt like he was saying it just to me, but then the feeling came to me that if I told my parents my problem, they would get mad at me, and would hate me. So I didn't talk to them. But then the next day, our teacher said the same thing, then the next day there was a thing on the news talking about the dangers of pornography, then the next day the teacher said it again, and it went like this the whole me, so that is when I realized that this was God's answer to me. So I decided I better do it.
"That night God gave me a perfect opportunity to tell me parents, all my siblings went to bed early, and it was just me and my parents awake, but I was so scared that I went to bed as well. The next night it was just the same, everyone had gone to bed early, except my parents and me. So I did it, I told them, I was expecting them to get mad, but they didn't, they never did, they showed me so much love! I told them everything, we made plans on how to help me stop, and we talked about it for about 2-3 hours that night. The next day I called and made an appointment with the bishop, and talked with him. He helped me as well!
"After talking with my parents and the bishop, there was a burden taken off my shoulders that I didn't realize was there. It felt great to be freed from the curse. I felt just like Alma the Younger describes to his sons in Alma Chapter 36. It was incredible!
"It has been a few years since this, but my story didn't stop there. I have been clean of pornography these few years, but I still have that scar in my life. Those images are still in my head, every once and awhile they pop up in my head, and I have to make the decision to either push them out, or keep viewing them. My warning to everyone is to never look at pornography, it will destroy your life, you do not want to have that darkness that was in my life, in yours. For those that have been tangled up in it, there is hope for you, get help, and once again find the Love of Christ in your life."
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